Spiders. I don’t like them.
Ok, so there’s not that many people that would say they “like” spiders – not truly “like” anyway. So saying that I don’t like them isn’t anything earth shattering. But I’ve always thought it was interesting that people have such a fearful response to spiders. If a fly lands on me, I’ll calmly wave my hand and it’ll fly off – however the same can’t be said about my reaction if a spider decides to introduce itself. Case in point….
This morning (yes, this just occurred this morning and for some reason I thought it was a good idea to blog about it) I woke up before my alarm and decided to just get up and start my day. I thought about trying to fall back to sleep because I had thirty minutes left on my alarm but I felt fairly awake so I decided to get up.
I’ll spare you from all the details of my morning routine other than the shower. I take a shower in the morning and like normal I started the water, let it warm up and hopped in (not literally hopped. That’s a fall hazard). As I closed the shower curtain I saw a spider hanging from the ceiling, dangling on the inside of the shower stall. I was upset. Had he been dangling on the outside of the shower I may have let him be. I had no desire to anger a spider this morning and had no weapons to deal with it. However, there was an imminent issue now that he was slowly descending into the shower.
Being the intelligent person I am, with a healthy fear of spiders, I decided to grab the web above the spider and slowly lower him into the stream of water, allowing him to safely swim home (drown). Of course, the spider didn’t like the fact that I grabbed the web above him and became curious. So it quickly reversed direction and headed towards my hand. This made me slightly uncomfortable.
Now picture this (this is the only time I will ask you to picture anything about this scenario), imagine a thin piece of thread with a very light feather on the end of it, hanging below your hand by about six inches. The light feather is slowly crawling up the thin thread and for some reason this frightens you. So you try to quickly and erratically toss the thread, with the attached lighter-than-air feather on it, into the stream of water with a quick downward thrust of your hand. Because the feather is so light, the feather ends up above your hand after this maneuver and you quickly lose track of aforementioned feather. Now picture the feather as a spider. Yes, this is what happened to the spider. I think. I don’t really know. I panicked as I saw this spider crawling towards my hand and I tried to toss the feather-light spider, pulled by a feather-light spider-web, into the stream of water. He was gone.
Shortly afterwards I experienced what felt like a spider walking on the back of my hand. It turned out to be a drop of water. Then the spider was walking on my arm – another drop of water…. What’s that on my back? I have no idea but I’m going to assume it’s water.
With nothing else to do, after first searching for the spider on the bottom of the tub, hoping to see it swimming towards the drain, I decided to continue my shower and try to not lose anymore dignity for the day. Quickly I discovered that it was a hopeless plan.
No more than a few minutes later, as I lathered before rinsing and repeating (do people really do that?), I was looking up towards the ceiling, trying not to get shampoo in my eyes, and I saw my feather light friend hanging from the ceiling only a couple inches from my face. I panicked, yet again.
After literally voicing my concern out loud with a “Oh my God”, and then briefly finding it humorous that I actually said that out loud, I decided to take another run at this beast. For a minute I thought he was going to take care of the issue himself because he was once again descending into the shower. However, he must have felt my happiness and decided he was doing something wrong because he immediately started ascending towards the ceiling again. This was not acceptable.
This time, instead of grabbing the web and making the same mistake twice, I chose to make what appeared to be an entirely different mistake. I spiked him. Now, for those that know me, you know I play volleyball. However, I’m right handed and this creature was on my left. So, as he ascended towards the ceiling I quickly swung my left hand (I’d describe it more like flailing) and he flew towards the shower caddy that’s hanging on the shower head. I quickly lost track of him after that. This made it appear, momentarily, that I made another mistake, thinking I could swat him into no longer being a bother. After a brief panic that he was now hiding in a loofah, and a brief search, I found him safely swimming away at the bottom of the tub. Whew!
So, you’re probably wondering what the moral to this story is. I have no idea. Maybe “Don’t wake up prior to your alarm” or “Check your surroundings prior to getting into the shower“. Perhaps there is no moral. However I’m sure I learned something from this encounter. I just don’t know what it was yet.